Today you will become the first man to ever convince a woman to let you take a shit on her face during sex, making you the world’s most charismatic man. It will happen after you say to her, “Hey honey remember last week we saw that movie you wanted to see and you said this week we could do whatever I wanted to do…?” Needless to say, the woman in question will find the whole thing to be a real cooch dehydrator, and from now on she’ll be so depressed that when she masturbates only tears will come out. She will retaliate by making you pretend that your name is Mark Henderson, a man from Boliviguay which is not on a map unless Mark Henderson gets to the map first, and when people drink too much there they reveal themselves to be big fans of the music of Steve Miller, which they find embarrassing when they’re sober. They’re a friendly sort in Boliviguay, with many people personalizing their “no radio in car signs” so that they address one man named Jeff. Just remember, World’s Most Charismatic Man, if you ever go to Boliviguay, white cat white load, kindergarten sounds like a nazi thing, alan greenspan’s head sucks, it would be great if we could all drink at a place called Ground Beer-o, chinese political prisoners have no sense of humor, some people have high dance thresholds and stephen hawking doesn’t, if you have coke you get girls, never let your parents come to new york on gay pride day, stay out of people’s heads and get into their wives, men at the OTB smell like dried come, if you ever play temptation Reisman don’t touch anything, bad babysitters feed babies toothpaste, albinos eat babies, the funniest show is the show that people on the laugh track laughed at and it probably featured Todd Glass in a coma, rubiks cubes are maddening, nervous comedians run around being nervous, and there were two movies about Christopher Columbus, which was surprising.
Happy The World’s Most Charismatic Man Day!
